Adjusting

When we were planning on having a baby and all throughout my pregnancy the thought of not having a full nights rest for a long time never really occurred to me. Sleepless nights never crossed my mind. I was always just thinking about the cute perfect cuddly baby that would be in my arms one day. I never realized how much work a baby really is and how much patience you must have.
Cash was a little handful from day one, I remember our first night in the hospital he was up ALL night long. Scott and I were exhausted from not sleeping for over 48 hours. I remember our nurse came in to check on us and she could see that Scott and I were a little overwhelmed and frustrated. She then told us that crying is the only way our baby can communicate with us and that he is experiencing everything for the first time. Of course in a sense I knew this, but realizing it in that moment, that instead of getting frustrated I needed to try to understand. This made his crying more bearable. We were so confused as to why no one ever told us that babies DO NOT sleep. No one told us how hard having a baby was.
However, no one could have prepared us for how much love we feel for our baby boy and how much happiness he brings to us daily. He is the most precious, and I am obsessed with him. Every sleepless night, every baby tantrum, every crying episode, every spit up, every load of laundry, every diaper explosion, every late night feeding, every unproductive day, and all the worry is worth it.
All the sweet moments make the hard times easier. I long for a full nights rest, but the hours that I would be sleeping I now spend holding and comforting my sweet baby. I can't help but smile when Cash looks at me cooing and smiling at 4:00 AM while I'm changing his diaper, knowing he's not going to go back to sleep anytime soon. Cash likes to keep Scott and I on our toes. One night he will sleep amazing and the next night he will wake up evey hour. 5 hour stretches are far and few and oh so great. Scott and I wake up feeling like we've won the jackpot. I must say the most surprising thing I've found out about babies are they are NOISY sleepers. Whoever came up with the expression 'sleep like a baby' must have never slept in the same room with one. Cash wakes me up with all his little noises but I love seeing him laying next to me in his bassinet. In the moment I may say otherwise, but when Cash does wake up I am always eager and happy to see his sweet little face and to pick him up and comfort him. It's a little ironic that I always immediately miss him when he is sleeping. He will never be as little as he is right now, and he is growing way too fast!
Some days, I may lay in bed way longer than I should with Cash, hardly ever fix my hair, or get ready for the day. But I'm going to enjoy him while he lets me because I know one day he will just want to run around and be busy getting into everything ;). I always want to remember these simple moments laying in bed with my little one. I know one day he will stop needing me to rock him, to hold him, and cuddle him so for now I will hold him a little longer while he sleeps and not worry about the fact that I haven't showered and am still wearing sweats from the day before. Motherhood is the most fulfilling job and I LOVE it.

Goodbye September...hello October!

Hello October.

I can't believe my due date month is already past and now I am finally not pregnant (I thought this day would never come) and I have a beautiful baby boy! Cash is almost 3 weeks old and I am a mom, those are two things I don't think I will ever get over. 

I will forever hold September close to my heart. September was perhaps the sweetest and hardest month of my entire life. I have never been more exhausted, overwhelmed, happy, emotional, excited, scared, and worried more than I was last month. 

The day we brought Cash home I was so doubtful in my capability of being a good mother and being able to take care of our sweet baby. I was so overwhelmed and tired from the restless nights in the hospital. Every time Cash cried, I wanted to cry. But with every little look and every smile or grin that Cash gives me is my reassurance that he loves me and I am doing a good job. There is no better feeling than being needed and wanted so much by someone. It has all been worth it. I am so happy and proud to be his mama. He brings so much joy and happiness into our home. Now that he is here I can't imagine life without him. Every time I see those chubby cheeks resting on his body, milk dripping from his perfect lips, his gummy smile, or curious eyes I am so grateful he is mine forever and that I get to see that face everyday! I hope he knows how loved he is! He is my favorite reason to lose sleep. Mama loves you to the moon and back Cash!

Birth story

Cash Monroe Lindquist was born on September 13, 2014 at 10:14 am, he was 21 inches long and 7 pounds 12 ounces of perfection.
Scott and I still can't believe that he came on his actual due date, but we are so happy he did!
On Friday September 12, Scott and I drove down to Vancouver (where the hospital we delivered at is) with all of our bags packed and ready to stay at Scott's parents house JUST IN CASE Cash decided to come during the weekend, which we were crossing our fingers for. With Optometry school having started in August Scott couldn't really afford to miss any school days, so him coming on a weekend was the perfect situation.
All day Friday I was thinking that this baby is definitely not coming anytime soon, all along I had a feeling I was going to be overdue for sure. I did not expect our weekend in Vancouver to end with me rushing to the hospital and delivering our sweet little boy.
It started with Scott and I taking a long 4 mile walk around town to try to start things moving along. After the walk I didn't feel any different, and decided I wanted to make brownies, buy some ice cream to go with them, and rent a movie. At 10:30pm, as soon as we were about to settle down to some dessert and a movie my water broke. At first I didn't realize what was happening, I was in denial that I was actually going into labor. Scott and I didn't know what to do, we never thought we would be in this situation. So Scott called the on call physician at my doctor's office and she told us to go to the hospital. Scott and I were both in disbelief that the time had finally come to meet our baby boy. Scott kept saying, "holy crap, we're going to have a baby!" So as calmly as possible we gathered all the things we needed to head to the hospital. I waited for Scott in the car as he went in the house to grab our overnight bag, which he managed to forget to grab after three times of running in and out of the house, it's safe to say he was a little in shock.
I was admitted to the hospital at 10:50pm and was dilated at a 2. They wanted to make sure I was progressing before given an epidural, so Scott and I walked around the hospital for a while to get the contractions going. They started coming a minute apart. Contractions were way more painful than I imagined they would be, thank goodness I had Scott there to hold onto. Every contraction I would put my arms up around his neck and breath very deep and slow. I have to admit I even had to hurt him a little to get through some of them. At 1:00am I was dilated at a 4 and wanted the epidural ASAP. So they hooked me up to an IV and started giving me fluid so they could give me the epidural. At 1:50am I was finally given the epidural. I had always been a little nervous for this part, the thought of not being able to move or feel my legs scared me! But no. Numbness. Best thing ever. I was so relaxed. After having contractions for hours I was in heaven once the epidural set in. I was hooked up to a monitor which monitored the baby's heartbeat and my contractions. At one point the baby's heart rate was slowing so they put a monitor on his head and I was given oxygen. I couldn't help but stare at the screen checking my baby boys heartbeat all night long. 
Now we waited.
All night long.
Scott's mom Velenti stayed with Scott and I in the hospital that night anticipating the arrival of Cash. We all took our guesses as to when we thought Cash would be born, I said 6:45am, Scott 7:13am, and Velenti 8:23am. Boy were we all wrong! Scott kept laughing and saying "We're having a baby! He is ours to be responsible for forever!" Which to I responded that I wasn't worried about raising him, I'm worried about delivering him!
At around 8:00am I started pushing.  I pushed for 2 1/2 hours. pure EXHAUSTION, especially from being up all night long. Scott held my leg on one side with my nurse on the other. At every contraction I would push 3 times, 10 seconds each. Scott counted up to 10 out loud for me which helped a lot. The doctor kept telling me to push harder, push harder. Once the final push arrived my doctor told me to stop pushing right away, the cord was wrapped around his neck really tight and she had to cut it. After that, I felt him slide right out and he was immediately set him on my chest for about 2 seconds before they took him away. He was chalk white. Tons of nurses rushed in immediately to help, I was so out of it I didn't know what was happening besides the fact that I couldn't hear him crying, I kept asking Scott why he wasn't crying. He laid on the baby table motionless arms and legs laying flat at his sides. After rubbing on him and working with him for what seemed like forever he made his first little cry.
His first breath really did take ours away. 
He was cleaned off and set on my chest. Words can't describe what I felt in that moment. My heart has never been fuller, having my son laying on my chest, so innocent and pure. Cash was so alert with his eyes wide open just looking up at me. Scott and I both just looked at each other and at Cash and cried with happiness. We both completely fell in love with him.
Giving birth was definitely the hardest thing I've ever had to do, and the most rewarding.

You, me, and baby

As Scott and I get closer and closer to due date I can't help but think of all the changes that will occur in our life. It has been just the two of us for so long that it is hard to imagine having a third person coming into our family. It's a little scary to think it's not going to be just him and me, but him, me, and baby as a family of three. I know that things will be totally different, but I also know that they will be way better! We will have a precious baby that is part of him and a part of me and I just can't wait for all the love we get to welcome into our home.
Now a little bragging:
Scott has been the best husband throughout my whole pregnancy, he has been so patient, supportive, sensitive, and understanding. He has calmed me through all of my crying episodes, irritability, nausea, and tiredness. He has filled in for me when I wasn't able to cook, clean, or do the dishes. He has made trips to the store for either my upset stomach or sudden cravings.
He has been my rock through these 9 months of pregnancy. I honestly don't know what I would have done without him.
He has taken part in my obsession with baby gear, registering at stores, and researching/reading all the ratings on different brands. He has listened to my constant talk about the nursery all summer. He has become an expert at putting together "baby stuff." He came with me to all my doctor appointments and was very comforting when it came to my worries. Whenever I get scared and nervous about this whole parenting thing I just remember I am in it with Scott, and we make a great team. 

There is nothing that has warmed my heart more than seeing Scott prepare to be a dad, kissing his son, reading him books, talking to him, singing him songs, and touching my belly to feel him kick. I can already see how much he loves him. I cannot wait for the moment I see Scott holding our baby boy.  I know he is going to be the best dad.

Motherhood

This was my first-ish Mother's Day as a mother, my heart was so full all day long, I will forever be so very grateful for this little baby who has made me a mama. I already love him with all that I am.
Motherhood has always been a role that I have desired the most and I feel so blessed to be fulfilling that role in a few short months.
I am so grateful for my mother and all the mother figures in my life who have been great examples of the kind of mom I want to be.
Motherhood has always held a special place in my heart, ever since I can remember, a mother is all I have ever wanted to be.
Here are some of my favorite quotes about mothers:

"The love of a true mother comes nearer to being like the love of God than any other kind of love."
 -Joseph F Smith

"Motherhood is near to divinity: It is the highest, holiest service to be assumed by mankind. It places her who honors its holy calling and service next to the angels."
-The First Presidency of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints

"Of all the rights of women, the greatest is to be a mother."
-Lin Yutang

"We frequently speak of the strength of the priesthood, and properly so. But we must never lose sight of the strength of the women. It is mothers who set the tone of the home. It is mothers who most directly affect the lives of their children. It is mothers who teach infants to pray, who read to them choice and beautiful literature from the scriptures and other sources. It is mothers who nurture them and bring them up in ways of the Lord. Their influence is paramount."
-Gordon B Hinckley

"A mother is a person seeing there are only four pieces of pie for five people, promptly announces she never did care for pie."
-Tenneva Jordan

"You have nothing in this world more precious than your children. When you grow old, when your hair turns white and your body grows weary, when you are prone to sit in a rocker and meditate on the things of your life, nothing will be so important as the question of how your children have turned out... Do not trade your birthright as a mother for some bauble of passing value... The baby you hold in your arms will grow quickly as the sunrise and the sunset of the rushing days."
-Gordon B Hinckley

"Remarkable qualities find their truest and most satisfying expression through motherhood."
-Gordon B Hinckley

"There is no role in life more essential and more eternal than that of motherhood."
- Elder M Russell Ballard

"God trusts women so much that he lets them bear and care for his spirit children."
-Elder Neal A Maxwell

"Mothers are endowed with a love that is unlike any other love on the face of the earth."
-Marjorie Hinckley